


Gilgamesh Harem

by Pandora54321



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Crack, F/M, Oneshot, Seriously tho child Gil is adorable, Sexual Harassment, This story is so stupid, and EMIYA cooks, and in my Chaldea everyone gets a room and there’s a cafeteria, caster and archer Gil are possessive, chaldea can be whatever I want it to be, child Gil is an adorable sweet bean, im doing God’s work boys, im glad I can FINALLY post it, my first crack fic, poor arty the gils attempt to seduce her twice, this took me a goddamn week to finish since it was a side project to my other fanfictions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora54321/pseuds/Pandora54321
Summary: There’s been harems of all the Sabers, but have you ever seen a harem of Gilgameshs? That’s exactly what this fic is! There’s Caster Gilgamesh, Archer Gilgamesh, and Child-Gil. Each of them is in love with Arturia.Arturia is summoned as a servant to Chaldea. She meets a sweet young boy and two rude men. What will happen when all three of them fall in love with her?





	Gilgamesh Harem

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re new to being a weeb, nee-chan means “big sister” in a cute way. -kun is a honorific for boys.

Arturia had recently been summoned to Chaldea with the latest batch of summonings. Staff was thrilled to get a servant with such high base stats, just imagining what Excalibur would be like after an upgrade. Needless to say, as King Arthur, Arturia received quite a warm welcome to Chaldea. 

She was still getting used to the layout of the place. She knew the locations of her room, the servant lounge, and the cafeteria, but that was basically it. She figured she’d learn where everything is eventually as she got used to Chaldea. 

The real trouble started one day in the cafeteria. She was holding her lunch tray and walking to an open seat when suddenly, a man in large golden armor bumped into her and sent her to the ground. The man regarded her for a second, then turned and began to walk away without much interest. 

“Hey! At least apologize to her!” It was a young child with blonde hair and red eyes who yelled this. He wore a purple shirt with golden trim and a white hoodie. 

The man turned back to look at the boy. “Why would I apologize to mongrel women? It’s not worth my time.” 

Arturia didn’t react to being called ‘mongrel’. She’d been called many things in her time as king, she wasn’t quick to take offense. The boy seemed worried about her, however. 

“Don’t call people you don’t even know ‘mongrel’. You should get to know someone first before you judge them! The true mongrels are the bullies that don’t know how to apologize!” The boy yelled. 

“I’ve been tolerant of you since you came to Chaldea, but don’t think I’ll allow impudence for that reason alone. Keep yelling at me, and I may just strike you down.” The golden man said and walked away. 

‘How horrible of him to threaten a child.’ Arturia thought. 

The child extended his arm toward Arturia to help her off the floor. “Don’t mind him, he’s always like this.” 

“Thank you.” Arturia got up. “Do you happen to know who he is?” 

“That’s the King of Heroes, King Gilgamesh of Uruk. I just call him the King of Jerks.” The boy made a disgusted face. “He thinks he can do and say whatever he wants just because he’s the most powerful servant. He doesn’t have any friends here in Chaldea. He has one friend, but they haven’t been summoned yet, so he mainly keeps to himself.” 

“I see.” Arturia said. “I’m Arturia Pendragon. What’s your name?” 

“My name isn’t important. You can just call me Archer-kun. Can I call you Nee-chan?” 

“Yes, that’s fine.” 

“Nee-chan, let’s go sit together and eat!” Archer-kun took her hand and led her to an empty table. Archer-kun seemed like a very sweet and jubilant young boy, and Arturia decided that she liked him. 

The next day, Arturia ran into the man with the golden presence again, except he wasn’t wearing his golden armor. The first notable thing about his appearance was that he wasn’t wearing a shirt (and had a really good body). The second notable thing was that he was wearing some sort of middle eastern garb. He also wore a strange headpiece with horns on top of his head. He seemed to be reading something in what looked like a book made of clay. 

Arturia decided to confront him. “Excuse me, but I really can’t approve of you threatening children.” She tried to stay civil, since they were supposed to be allies in Chaldea. 

The man paused his steps and turned toward her. “Are you talking to me?” He didn’t remember threatening any children…not lately, at least. “If you wish to speak with a king, you should request an audience with him. Not just come up and speak to him.” 

“As a fellow king, I believe we stand on equal ground.” 

He laughed. “None stand on equal ground to me. Say what you want to say and leave. I’m busy.” 

“I was trying to say that I don’t think it was right of you to threaten a child. Picking on someone weaker than you is deplorable. It is not fit conduct for a king.” 

“So, what would you have me do about it?” 

“I’d like for you to apologize.” 

The man burst into laughter. “Apologize! She wants me to apologize! _Ha!_” 

It annoyed Arturia that he would laugh aloud at her, but she remained silent. 

Finally, his fit of laughter ended. “That’s not possible. I don’t apologize to mongrels. Thank you for the laughter, I definitely needed that. Goodbye.” He turned around and began to walk away. 

Arturia was really starting to get angry. Arturia went up to him and grabbed his shoulder. “I don’t think I made myself clear. You _will_ apologize.” She said firmly. 

He stopped walking and turned around to glare at her. “You presume to touch me?” 

Arturia didn’t waver under the glare. “Threatening children is something I will not tolerate; and for the record, I will draw my sword on you if you decide to make good on those threats.” 

“Look, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t remember threatening any kids lately.” 

“It was just yesterday! You and your giant armor bumped into me and the child defended me!” 

“Giant armor? Are you talking about Archer?” 

“Archer?” 

“The Archer Gilgamesh. He usually wears his armor everywhere. He looks exactly like me.” 

“Wait—then, who are you?” 

“I’m Gilgamesh. I’m a Caster.” Caster Gilgamesh said. 

“There’s two of you?” 

“Yes. Now that that’s been sorted out, and you know I didn’t threaten any children, could you remove your hand from my shoulder? It’s getting annoying being touched by a mongrel.” 

Arturia let go of him. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware—“ 

“I don’t need to hear your excuses. I’ll be taking my leave now.” Caster Gilgamesh said and walked away. 

Arturia decided to ask Archer-kun about the two Gilgamesh’s later at dinner. 

“Yeah, there’s an Archer Gilgamesh and a Caster Gilgamesh. Some other servants say that Caster Gilgamesh is more approachable, but really he’s just as conceited as Archer Gilgamesh.” Archer-kun said. 

“He didn’t seem any more approachable. He called me a mongrel and laughed in my face.” 

Archer-kun looked sad when he heard that. “He did? I’m sorry, Arturia.” 

“There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s not like it was you calling me a mongrel.” 

For some reason, this made Archer-kun even more depressed. Arturia changed the subject to hopefully lighten his mood, which worked well. 

Everything changed after her first battle. She was on a mission with Caster Gilgamesh, Archer Gilgamesh, and Archer-kun. Halfway through the battle, Ritsuka ordered her to use Excalibur, which she did. 

None of the Gilgameshs had ever seen anything more brilliant and beautiful than the embodiment of the hopes and dreams of Arturia’s people, and her shared pride. Archer and Caster Gilgamesh realized that Arturia wasn’t a mongrel, she was actually a very interesting woman. Archer-kun thought that Arturia was the most beautiful flower that bloomed in the wild. All three of them made their decisions on what they wanted their relationship with Arturia to be. 

“You have a really cool noble phantasm, Arturia. I didn’t realize Nee-chan was so strong.” Archer-kun said. 

“Thank you.” Arturia replied. 

“Hey, can we get married?” 

“M-Married?!” Arturia was surprised at the suggestion. 

“Yeah, you’re a really beautiful girl. I like Nee-chan a lot.” Archer-kun smiled. 

She tried to think of a good way to reject him without hurting his feelings. “I’m sorry, but I’m already married to Guinevere. Plus, you’re young; you shouldn’t be worrying about marriage at this age.” 

“I know I’m young, but you wouldn’t want me when I get older…” Archer-kun said too quietly to hear. 

“Did you say something?” She asked. 

“No. The pudding today is really good!”

“Yes, EMIYA really knows how to cook.” 

Ten minutes later Arturia spilled something on her dress. “I’ll wash this off in the bathroom.” She said and excused herself. 

Arturia was walking into the bathroom when she suddenly felt a shove from behind. “Hey, what’re you—“ 

“Shh.” The person behind her said. They pushed her into the room and closed the door. 

Arturia finally turned around and saw Archer Gilgamesh. He was wearing modern clothing, not his golden armor like usual. “I see you’ve changed your appearance.” She said curtly. 

“This clothing is easier to take off.” Archer Gilgamesh responded. 

Arturia didn’t understand what he meant until he spun her around and pinned her against the door. “What do you think you’re doing?!” 

Gilgamesh put his finger against her lips to quiet her. “You wouldn’t want people to hear us in here together, would you?” 

Arturia didn’t want people to hear something and misunderstand the situation, so her next words were in a whisper. “Why are you here?” 

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m here to make love to you.” He responded casually. 

This greatly annoyed Arturia. “Wasn’t I just a mongrel woman not worthy of your time?” 

“I changed my mind. I’ve decided that you will become my wife.” 

“Your wife?!” 

Gilgamesh nodded. “I want you to throw away your sword and become my wife. If you accept my proposal, I promise to give you all the pleasures of the world. Everything you could possibly desire will become yours.” He ran his hand down her waist and rested it on her hip. 

Arturia didn’t react to his touch, which would have made any woman shiver. She just glared at him. “I refuse.” She said. 

Gilgamesh chuckled. “That’s the wrong answer, Arturia.” He moved his hand to cup her breast. 

“Stop touching me.” She said firmly. “I don’t wish to incite violence, but I will fight back.”

“You don’t react to my touch at all. That’s alright, I can fix that. I’m sure you’ll change your mind after I embrace you. It’s before our wedding night, but I’ll teach you the pleasures of the flesh first so you can learn how wonderful devotion to me truly is.” He grabbed her chin with his hand and angled her face up. He leaned down to kiss her. 

Arturia felt around the door for the handle, and right before his lips touched hers, managed to open the door. They had both been leaning on the door, so without It’s support, they fell to the ground with Gilgamesh on top of Arturia. 

The back of Arturia’s head ached from where it hit the floor, but was fine other than that. Gilgamesh had also recovered, and hovered over her. 

Gilgamesh began to laugh. “If you wanted to lay down, you could have just said so. I planned on taking you against the door, but this is fine too. I thought you’d prefer a little more privacy, but it turns out you’re a naughtier girl than I realized. Now, show me how sublime of a woman you are, Arturia.” He once again leaned down with the intention of kissing her. 

“Get off of her!” A shrill voice yelled. 

Suddenly, a tiny body tackled Archer Gilgamesh off of her. Arturia sat up once she was freed. 

“Are you okay, Nee-chan?” It was Archer-kun that had saved her. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.” Arturia said gratefully. She’d been seconds away from using her Invisible Air on Gilgamesh to throw him off, but was glad it was no longer necessary. 

“You little bastard…how dare you try to ruin my romantic endeavors!” Archer Gilgamesh yelled at Archer-kun. 

“Romantic endeavors? That just looked like sexual harassment!” Archer-kun yelled back. 

“That’s just how adults do things. A child like you wouldn’t understand.” 

“That’s not true,” Arturia said, “an adult would try to court someone they like properly; not just immediately try to seduce them.” 

“See? You’re just a big jerk!” Archer-kun said to Gilgamesh. 

“Damn you…just because you are me as a child doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate this insolence!” Archer Gilgamesh yelled. 

There was silence for a minute as Arturia processed these words. “Eh?!” She looked at Archer-kun, and then to Gilgamesh in utter shock. She’d already noticed that they looked alike, but she never thought they were the same person! “Archer-kun…you’re Gilgamesh as a child?” 

Child-Gil looked ashamed and turned away. “Yeah. I try to keep it secret from people, but I’m also King Gilgamesh.” 

“That’s wrong, Gilgamesh. You should wear your identity with pride. No matter what others may assume at first glance, you are not the same as your adult versions. Don’t hide your face, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” Arturia said to Child-Gil. 

Child-Gil slowly turned back to Arturia. “You really think so?” He asked. 

“I’m positive.” Arturia replied. 

“Alright. You can call me Gil, then!” Child-Gil smiled again her, to which Arturia smiled back. 

“How sweet. Now, can you hurry up and leave so I can continue what I was doing?” Archer Gilgamesh said to Child-Gil. 

“You’re the one that needs to leave, Gilgamesh.” Arturia said. “I will not be accepting your proposal, and I’m certainly not having sex with you.” 

Archer Gilgamesh scoffed. “Fine. I’ll stop for today. But I will have you, Arturia. You will be mine, and I promise you’ll enjoy it.” Archer Gilgamesh said and left. 

“He’s a jerk.” Child-Gil commented. 

“I agree.” Arturia said. 

“Don’t worry Nee-chan, I’ll protect you.” Child-Gil smiled again at her. 

Arturia could protect herself just fine, but it was sweet of Child-Gil to offer his help. “I’m much obliged, Gil.” 

Later that night, Arturia was heading to her room when she was approached by Caster Gilgamesh. 

“I brought wine. I thought we could have a drink together.” He said. 

Arturia would have refused based on her bad experiences with Gilgameshs, but that was before she learned that the boy who’d been kindly showing her around Chaldea was also a Gilgamesh. She reluctantly accepted and invited Caster Gilgamesh into her room. 

“This wine is directly from my treasury.” Gilgamesh explained as he poured the drink into her cup. “Go ahead and try it, I promise It’s of the utmost quality a wine can have.” 

Arturia tipped the cup into her mouth. The flavor of the wine bloomed in her mouth and warmth spread through her chest. It was a perfectly balanced wine; not too sweet, with just enough tannin, and slightly fruity. 

“I can see by your face that you like it.” Gilgamesh said. 

“It’s a very enjoyable wine.” Arturia replied. She took another sip. 

“You’re fairly new to Chaldea, right? How are you liking it so far?” 

“Most of the people here are nice. EMIYA makes very good food. I like Ritsuka, she seems very determined to save the world.” She drank once again from her cup. 

“The people and servants here at Chaldea are mongrels, but I don’t mind them. Chaldea helped me save my country, so I certainly can’t say that I dislike them.” 

“They helped you save your country?” Arturia asked. 

“The seventh singularity was in Mesopotamia. I was still king of Uruk at that time. We were facing destruction from the three-goddess alliance…” 

Gilgamesh continued telling Arturia the story of the seventh singularity, and before Arturia knew it, her cup ran dry. 

“Would you like a refill?” Caster Gilgamesh asked, with a slightly devious smile that Arturia did not detect. 

Arturia nodded and Gilgamesh filled her cup. The more Arturia drank, the more she started noticing things about Gilgamesh. His face was flawless and unblemished, his arms were strong and well-muscled, and dear god those _abs_—his perfectly sculpted body was practically on display in the clothing he was wearing! She’d never really noticed men in this way. Usually she felt respect for a man with a strong body, since it means that they worked hard to achieve those results; but when she saw Gilgamesh’s body, she felt hot inside. 

Arturia wasn’t aware of her staring, but Caster Gilgamesh certainly was. He was pretty confident he’d get laid tonight. 

“Gilgamesh, what’s your reason for coming here tonight?” Arturia asked. 

“I wanted to have a drink with you.” Gilgamesh answered. 

“What’s your _real_ reason, Gilgamesh?” 

Gilgamesh smiled. He gently took the cup out of Arturia’s hand and placed it on the ground. “Isn’t it natural for a man to want to spend time with the woman he likes?” 

Suddenly, Arturia was laying flat on the bed, with Gilgamesh on top of her. His lips were on hers. She hated to say it, but the kiss felt nice. The feeling of his soft lips made heat swirl in her body. Finally, he separated from her for air, and she was able to speak again. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” 

“Kissing the woman I’m in love with.” Caster Gilgamesh said. “Look how much you’re blushing, you’re definitely enjoying yourself. Just relax, I’ll make sure you feel good.” He cupped her cheek and leaned down again. 

“What?! Really?! Again?!” 

“What—What do you mean ‘again’?” 

“This is the second time a Gilgamesh has tried to seduce me _today._” 

“What?! That bastard tried to seduce you?!” Caster Gilgamesh seemed angry. 

“Yes, and just like now, it ended in _failure_.” Arturia kicked Gilgamesh in those beautiful abs of his. 

Caster Gilgamesh fell onto his side on the bed, clutching his abdomen. Arturia took this chance to stand. “I will not be marrying _anyone_, and I’m certainly not having sex with you!” 

“Why not? What’s so bad about marrying me? I’ll give you every pleasure in the world!” 

“I don’t want every pleasure in the world. And, I’m already married!” 

“Don’t you Christians have a ‘until death do us part’ clause in your vows? I’m pretty sure you’re a free woman.” 

“I don’t care! I’m not marrying you, and I don’t want to have sex with you!” 

“You were starting at my body the entire time I was talking! You totally have the hots for me!” Caster Gilgamesh argued.

Arturia felt the heat of embarrassment rise to her cheeks. “Shut up! Get out of my room!” 

“Arturia—“ 

“Get out!” 

With a grimace, Caster Gilgamesh reluctantly left the room. “Fine, but don’t think I’m giving up Arturia. I will have you.” The door closed behind him. 

Arturia let out a sigh. What a ridiculously long day. Two men (who were technically the same man) attempted to seduce her. One of them grabbed her breast, and the other one stole her first kiss. It was goddamn ridiculous. She decided she needed some rest and went to bed. 

—-

Arturia was walking to the servant lounge when she heard a large commotion. 

“You tried to seduce Arturia?!” A deep voice yelled. 

“I proposed to her, if that’s what you mean.” Another one said, sounding much more calm. 

“You bastard, she’s supposed to become _my_ wife!” 

“Arturia will be my bride!” 

Upon hearing her name she walked into the room. The participants of the argument were Caster Gilgamesh and Archer Gilgamesh. Arturia noticed Child-Gil watching the fight along with a crowd of other spectators. 

“Gil, what’s going on?” She asked. 

“I don’t know. Caster Gilgamesh came in and started yelling at Archer Gilgamesh about something. I think they’re fighting about you.” Child-Gil said. 

“You hardly have any right to call her your wife. I bet you’ve never even kissed her.” Caster Gilgamesh said. 

“That implies…” 

“That’s right. I kissed her.” Caster Gilgamesh said this proudly. 

This seemed to make Archer Gilgamesh furious. He sent fifty noble phantasms flying at Caster Gilgamesh. Caster Gilgamesh blocked the ones coming his way with his own noble phantasms. The spectators who’d been behind Caster Gilgamesh had to duck for cover to not get skewered. 

“Well, did _you_ get to touch her breasts? I did.” Said Archer Gilgamesh. 

“You bastard…that’s my wife you were groping!” Caster Gilgamesh summoned the wands from his Gate of Babylon and sent a barrage of glowing balls of light at Archer Gilgamesh. 

The fighting ensued. Child-Gil tugged on Arturia’s sleeve to ask her a question. “Did Caster Gilgamesh try something with you, too?” 

“Yes. Last night he also tried to seduce me.” Arturia answered. 

“I’m sorry, Arturia. I wasn’t there to protect you.” 

“It’s okay, Gil. There’s no need to worry about it.” 

Beams of light and swords were destroying Chaldea’s servant lounge. Staff members came and tried to calm the conflict to no avail. 

“You know, I have all the same swords and spears you have. I can copy your moves easily, but you can’t copy mine.” Caster Gilgamesh gloated. 

“Bastard, I have the same wands and mystic codes in my treasury as you do!” 

“Right, you just don’t know how to use them.” 

“Bastard!” Archer Gilgamesh took out bab-ilu and summoned Ea. Caster Gilgamesh did the same when he noticed what Archer Gilgamesh was doing. 

“They’re taking out Ea?! They’ll destroy all of Chaldea!” Child-Gil exclaimed. 

‘I have to stop this.’ Arturia thought. Before either Gilgameshs could fire, Arturia ran in between them to block their blasts. “That’s enough!” 

Suddenly, Caster and Archer Gilgamesh weren’t even able to lift Ea anymore, because the second Arturia stepped into the fray, they were bound in chains. Archer and Caster Gilgamesh struggled against their bonds, but weren’t able to break free. 

“Anti-divine noble phantasm, the Chains of Heaven, Enkidu.” Child-Gil said with a serious face Arturia hadn’t seen before. “As Demigods, I’m sure you won’t be able to break free of them.”

“Gil!” Arturia exclaimed in surprise. 

“Don’t worry, Nee-chan. I told you I’d protect you!” Child-Gil smiled. 

“You little bastard! Don’t use my friend against me!” Archer and Caster Gilgamesh said at the same time. 

“Both of you need to stop!” Arturia said with authority. “I am not either of your wives, and I never will be. Groping me and kissing me weren’t accomplishments, they were examples of sexual harassment. I am not attracted to either of you—“ 

“That’s a goddamn lie and you know it!” Caster Gilgamesh yelled. 

It was a goddamn lie. Arturia had been pretty attracted to his body. “I am not attracted to either of your _personalities_, and I refuse to become your brides. I reject both of your proposals, and I won’t be having sex with either of you! So stop fighting over me!” 

Caster and Archer Gilgamesh gritted their teeth. “Fine, I’ll stop fighting. But this isn’t over!” They shouted in unison. “Hey, stop speaking when I’m speaking!” 

“It’s okay, Gil, you can free them.” Arturia said to Child-Gil, who promptly release their bonds. 

“Fine, we’ll stop fighting.” Caster Gilgamesh began. “But answer us this: which of us do you like better?” 

“Yeah! Which of the two of us do you prefer.” Archer Gilgamesh echoed. 

“You really want to know which Gilgamesh I like best?” Arturia asked, to which Archer and Caster Gilgamesh both nodded their heads. “I like _this_ Gilgamesh best.” She said, pointing to Child-Gil. 

Within five seconds flat, Child-Gil had sparkles in his eyes. “Does this mean we can get married?!” 

“I’m sorry, but you’re much too young. However, we can still be friends.” Arturia answered. 

“Oh…” Child-Gil looked disappointed. “Okay.” 

“Coward, giving up just because you were rejected is pitiful.” Archer Gilgamesh said. 

“I can’t believe I was such a weak-willed child.” Caster Gilgamesh agreed. 

“He isn’t cowardly or weak-willed, he’s respectful of my wishes and decisions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking my leave.” Arturia turned around. “Come on, Gil, I’m sure breakfast is ready by now.” 

“Okay.” Child-Gil walked by Arturia’s side. Right before exiting the room, Child-Gil silently turned back to Archer and Caster Gilgamesh and smiled deviously. He grabbed Arturia’s hand. “Let’s go, Nee-chan! I hope they have pudding today!” Then, the door closed behind them. 

“That little shit, he’s rubbing it in!” Archer Gilgamesh yelled in annoyance. 

“Gods, I want to kill him so bad!” Caster Gilgamesh agreed. 

That wasn’t even close to the end of Arturia’s misadventures at Chaldea. Caster and Archer Gilgamesh never stopped pining after her, which means the seduction attempts never stopped either. It became almost a competition of dominance to them, that whoever captured Arturia’s heart (or coochie) first was the superior Gilgamesh. Although, the only Gilgamesh to win Arturia’s love in any way was Child-Gil. These events were only the beginning of Arturia’s Gilgamesh harem.

**Author's Note:**

> My first crack fic! Tell me if you guys liked it! It was super fun to write! This idea spawned in my head and I had to write it. 
> 
> You know what I was thinking the entire time I was writing this? They should just have a threesome! If caster Gil and archer Gil stopped being possessive and worked together to seduce Arty, it might actually work. And it would be super hot. Well, I can’t think of a good way to write a threesome into the plot so sadly I’ll never get to write a super hot threesome smut with two gils and arty. Oh well. 
> 
> Anyway leave comments! Thanks so much for reading!


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